Regular sex, according
to medical research, has the same benefits as regular exercise.
It increases the flow of certain chemicals that naturally
boost and strengthen the immune system, improves cholesterol
levels, stimulates circulation, invigorates the heart, diminishes
the intensity of pain, especially in migraines and chronic
arthritis, reduces PMS symptoms, and releases endorphins
which simply make you feel good.
Make friends with your
body. The more accepting you are of your physical being—your
best features as well as your flaws—the more comfortable
you will be sharing it. Develop your sense of touch. Cover
the surface of your body with paint, with clay, with cream,
with silk. Caress the textures. Feel the tactile sensations
on your skin. Treat yourself to a massage, a manicure, or
a facial. Pat, stroke, rub, knead your skin and hair. Offer
to massage someone. Ask someone to do it for you.
Appreciate your body.
Know that this body allows you to participate fully in life.
Don't take this tremendous gift for granted. Express your
gratitude for its durability, dependability, and recuperative
powers. Bless the feet that take you where you want to go,
the back that holds you upright, the hands that serve you
so well, the eyes that you see out of, the heart that keeps
on ticking. Bless your life in its physical form and enjoy
Treat your body well.
Feed it wisely, air it often, water and exercise it with
intention and care. Pay attention to its proper maintenance
and upkeep. Keep it oiled and greased and limber, and don't
let it get rusty. Nurture its need to be nurtured. Tend
to its requirements and pamper all of its parts. Prepare
your body for sex. Soak in a warm tub full of fragrant water
to melt into the mood. Rub luscious lotion all over yourself,
caressing each mound and crevice and curve with love and
Mind your memories, good
and bad. Do not dwell in the past. Do not look back in time
in order to yearn for more youthful days or compare yourself
today with who you used to be. And do not let past pain,
rejection, repression, or abuse deprive you of your present
pleasures. Deal with what you want to change so that you
can Be Here Now.
Mind your manners. Be
nice. Be kind. Be patient. Be encouraging, but be sure to
ask for what you want. Be willing to communicate with an
open ear, as well as with an open mouth. Be clear and specific.
Be gentle, but firm. Speak your truth and expect to be heard.
Share your desires and fantasies and play them out. Show
Mind your P's and Q's.
P stands for permission. Allow yourself to follow your instincts
and your desires and give yourself the unconditional permission
to do what comes naturally, whatever that might mean to
you. Q is for the Queen in you who knows what She likes.
And She knows how to get it.
Explore the full range
of your sexual emotions. What feelings does sex engender
in you? What needs do you want it to fill? Does it? Is sex
an outlet for the release of stress, of anger, frustration,
or boredom? Is it an avenue to tenderness, affection, closeness,
intimacy, honesty, safety, openness, trust, and love?
Express your true emotional
Self in all its myriad moods. Allow your funny, silly, lazy,
sad, colorful, soulful, sinful parts out to play. Be adventurous.
Be bold. Be brazen. Be wild. Be inventive. Don't worry,
the kids won't be able to hear you. Be silent. Be solo.
Be celibate. Be whatever you damn well please.
Exorcise your demons.
Relax your resistance. Release your inhibitions. Let go
of your mind altogether. Forget your emotions and all of
your mental ramblings for a while, and just let yourself
be. There are times when it is important to reflect upon
and connect with your thoughts and feelings, and there are
times when it's just as beneficial to disengage. Sex would
be one of those times to let go.
Create a sexual sanctuary,
a safe and sacred space, a Temple of Love in which to indulge
in your pleasures. Remove all distracting items that relate
to the other parts of your life: notebooks, briefcases,
pagers, bills, calendars. Turn the phones off, including
the cell at the bottom of your purse. Cover the clocks.
Close the bathroom door.
Smudge your space with
the smoke of myrrh or copal to cleanse the atmosphere and
with the smoke of sweetgrass to invite in the sweet spirits.
Create a mood conducive to enchantment, enticement, and
enjoyment. This is the royal boudoir, after all. A Garden
of 1001 Delights. Decorate it in such a way as to appeal
to all of the senses. Sheets and covers in soft fabrics:
chenille, flannel, satin, to lie upon. Candles, soft lights,
colored walls, flowers, and objects of art to please the
gaze. Evocative perfumes, oils, and incense to smell. Lovely
treats to taste.
Create a ritual before
you make love. Think of sex as a way to connect, alone or
in company, with the vibrating Kundalini energy that courses
through you and the entire universe. Sanctify and ignite
your intention by lighting a candle, saying a prayer, or
by singing, chanting, drumming, dancing, anointing. Reach
out to engage your Self, another, and All That Is, in an
ecstatic embrace of spirit, passion, and love.